A few weeks ago, twitter went agog because of some advices from the general overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church Of God, Pastor E.A. Adeboye on marital success which came at different times on his twitter handle. On these different occasions, the elderly Clergy advised his ‘sons’ not to marry women who can’t cook and on another occasion, advised women on how to keep their marriage to enjoy marital bliss and these advices bothered on women doing household chores and some wifely duties.
There were mixed reactions and responses amongst which people gave their opinions on what this elderly gentleman, who has been successfully married for over fifty years, oversees one of the largest churches in the world and has successful children and grandchildren, said.
There were insults, questions, riddles with insults, crude jokes, supports, acknowledgments as well as gratitude from those who reacted. Of course, everyone has a right to their opinions but a few things to point out from the event.
As soon as Daddy G.O, as he is fondly called, twitted those messages, I am sure he moved on to other important things but this is a case of viewing what he wrote from a broader perspective. Let us imagine that Barack Obama was invited to sit with a vast majority of the youths to give advices on how to run a country, I am sure that those youths, who obviously would not have had the concrete experiences in that regard, would listen to what he would say and intelligently sieve out the principles behind the things he did and the policies that were formulated under his administration. Even if some don’t support his views on some issues like same-sex marriage and his Obama Care scheme, they would still listen, even if they disapprove of his opinions and viewpoint. What those youths would have at their stage of life, would be technological applications of some processes, their imaginations and projections but they can’t boost of solid, concrete, lifetime experiences in their reserves to draw from. If a man, who has undeniable track records of integrity, success, godliness, foresight, humility and peace would give advices from his over five decades of experiences, shouldn’t those who haven’t had a day of experience of the same thing at least L.I.S.T.E.N.
When we listen to people who have done it before us give us advices, what they actually teach us is the principle behind what they did. Listening to the principle provides an understanding and a guide for the open-minded listener to navigate his/her own path for a better result.
Listen for the principle behind admonitions and alter methods to suit your own peculiar case. Principles are never old fashioned; however, methods are renewable and adjustable. Principles are always the maps telling us where to go, methods helps us overcome generational differences because of economic and technological changes.
I watched one of the episodes of ‘Hey Steve’ a segment of ‘The Steve Harvey’s Show’ and Steve was advising a twenty-one year old lady on what to do as a response to a relationship question she had asked. After Steve Harvey gave the advice, she was arguing with his guidance. I was surprised when Steve asked her her age and she mentioned it. He then replied, not exactly in his word but something close, “I have six decades of experiences and your twenty-one self is talking back at me” to which the audience applauded immediately and the lady apologized : though it was all very jovial and not serious but the point is this: when someone who had done it successfully before you gives an advice, the wisest thing to do is to listen and not insult even if you don’t agree and this is simply just wisdom!
It doesn’t make much sense when someone had done something for fifty years and you who haven’t done it for one year is insulting. It’s like a startup entrepreneur insulting Richard Branson for an advice on business development processes that he disagrees with.
Funnily, majority of those who hurled insults are the youths who are still single and I wish some of them would just take the time to ask married people who aren’t popular what they think about the twitter messages of this clergy and I am sure most would hear things along the same line.
More so, those who follow Pastor Adeboye know, because, he had preached it a lot of times, how he jealously protects his marriage: he has said it several times that he avoids situations that might generate any controversy in his walk with God and his marriage. This could mean he is a man who puts his wife and her feelings before any other person so his advice isn’t one sided.
Common sense says listen to the person who has a track record of competence in an area in which you are interested in, to gain wisdom, knowledge and understanding for your own journey. Criticizing someone who has successfully walked long and far on a road you’ve never walked before isn’t wise. You may adjust methods to suit your particular situation but never ignore principles.
Successful marriages are built deliberately on principles and if youths don’t listen to the advice of someone who had gone fifty years into the future of what they are yet to do, I wonder the intelligence in that. However, posterity has a way revealing who is right and who isn’t in the long run.
For me, the underlying principle behind his advices is this: spouses should do what makes each other happy and give them pleasure within the protective bounds of their relationship and for good reasons amongst other things, men love good food and ‘food’ just as women love care, affection and attention.
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